Lorenzo Giovanni
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Holiday Season
Is Lorenzo's first christmas.... I'm excited and yes a bit sad, is been a very hard few weeks with so much going on... I'm blessed to have my mom's help and presence here in OKC.. can't even imagine how sad i will be when she leaves... OT & PT are great, The children's Center is really a wonderful place to be... but is so overwhelming and my glass is more than full emotionally, soon my break will arrive.... for now, i will keep on swimming...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Lorenzo's Busy schedule..
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Early Intervention
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Lorenzo is 8 months now
Thursday, June 23, 2011
in the last few weeks...
I cried in my shower, the only place that i feel alone in my house this days... The noise level in my home and the anxiety is slowly killing me inside, there is no room to breath.... I wanted to leave him and run away. I wanted to take my three kids and go back to my calendar, my perfect organize world, i wanted to take that disney cruise so bad, spend summer at the beach, go back to my days as a family of 5, our beautiful bond and I wanted to run like hell. I wanted to be pregnant again. I wanted to be pregnant so bad. I wanted it to be the afternoon he was born again...when I was happy and excited and when I wore the white and blue hospital nightgown knowing joy was to come. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back. so bad... I dream of that day, what if i went back on that February 22, and Lorenzo wouldn't be born sick, what if i had one more day of that perfect pregnancy days, the illusion of holding a healthy baby, after all i went thru with tristan.
I moaned in pain and through it all, this little breath of heaven needed me. I cried while I held him. I cried as each doctor just look at me, and you know there is something wrong with your baby and just don't know what is it. I cried at physical therapist when i was told to be ready to have a walker in my future because lorenzo is behind and probably will be behind in his development, I cried over my garden because i know this home won't work for me any longer... i cried over his 4 months old check up and of course my wonderful pediatrician just hold me tight and said we won't start cereal, because he can't hold his head and we just can't feed him right now, we will talk again about that in the six month checkup, i cried over the millions times sofia tells me mom we need of those for lorenzo to get in the pool knowing he just can't use it, I cried over my mom moving away, the only interaction i had at home during the day, i cried over the fact that the plan i had for my future and my kids is somehow upside down and we need a new one.... so YES I CRIED, I CRIED, I CRIED...
but then the sun came up and with it,
HOPE & ACCEPTANCE.... and changes.....the future will be somehow different in many levels to everyone in our family, we will do things different than before & somehow i know it will work out exactly the way it should...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
scare of the unknown
Monday, May 9, 2011
A big puzzle
Lorenzo is 11 weeks today, he weights 14lbs & is 24 inches long.... big "healthy" boy.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
8 weeks old...
Lorenzo is 8 weeks today... can't believe how fast time is going... We started to do more things at physical therapy and hopefully he will continue to improve somehow, it is very hard to sit there at watch... His therapist is a great person and i know he sees right thru me somehow and in someways he works on my mental health also, as we worked on Lorenzo's exercises... We are anxious for genetics results, and May doesn't seem to be here fast enough... Even so I know genetics won't change a thing at this point, there is no magic pill, or magic medicine that will cause my sweet baby to don't have this and be somehow "normal". I'm a pretty much a ROBOT, no emotions, everything is going to the "deal with you later" cup, and i must confess is getting full(so don't be surprise if i just snap out of it to put myself together soon)... All my energy is going towards my garden, renovating my kitchen, kids activities, working out, cooking, cleaning, ... so, if you are reading this and ask how my baby is doing (he is the same), i will probably give you a very cold high energy respond, because the true is I haven't deal with absolutely nothing about my feelings since he was born... soon enough everything will caught up with me and somehow acceptance and understanding will make me see the path i shall follow... as today all i see is TO DO List, i will continue to exhaust myself till my brain stops thinking...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
7 weeks old
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Running against the clock...
Today was one of those days that you don't seem to get caught up... I feel exhausted, kids slept in, it was picture day and the meltdown in the morning almost throw me over the edge, not to mention the "new" routine my older boy does at drop off, he just starts this screaming fit, and runs away... and yes i am the mom that just walks away, he literally is fine in 5 seconds... Well now is 9:05 a.m.... Me & Lorenzo are heading to Children's Hospital, after 32 minutes of trying to find were to park, and trying to understand the new construction, we finally found the valet parking and yes we are in the building, and I must confess, tax money, grants, whatever it is funding this place, looks like is doing a great job, new building looks awesome... so.. i'm happy & impress, Lorenzo and i keep following the yellow brick road to cardiologist in the third floor... and then just like the house that felt into the wicked witch, the desk lady saids those famous words, I'm sorry we don't have appointments for today, so can it be? again? miss communication? i thought i called two days ago to confirm.. am i going crazy?... But no it wasn't me, the cardiologist works in both hospitals, and today been thursday, he is working at Mercy... so somehow i must get my car back, drive all the way there and make it on time... it is 9:50 a.m. already.... sooooo here i am again in the tornado of stress and anxiety... drove to mercy, in lights speed... found the office, check in been aware i am 32 minutes late... and now i sit and wait, and wait some more, and some more...exactly 2 1/2 hours...
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Six weeks old today...
At Lorenzo's checkup today he weight 11lbs, 3 ounces, and he is 23 1/2 inches long. His Pediatrician thinks he is improving by been more active, alert, holding his head for a few seconds and moving his head towards voice, he is responding to light and sound... His lower body feels more toned that his upper body, something we already knew, he is grabbing stronger with this hands, but the trunk of this body still is very low tone... She described Lorenzo to me like a tree, still got roots & leaves, but the trunk of the tree needs to be strong enough to support it.... So yes, it killed me inside.... we talked about our future appointments, cardiologist is coming up this thursday, Neurologist & Genetics, in May... She doesn't want me to wait any longer on sooner start for physical therapy, she's referring me to a private physical therapist, ASAP... we are aware that our insurance won't cover all of this, so i am hoping is not more than we can chew right now, our medical expenses are getting off the roof... she recommended for us to use both private & the sooner care people at home, if they ever decide to show up... In a more personal aspect she recommend it for me to include & get a little help with Lorenzo, support for appointments, bath time, etc... she thinks i'm consumed by all of this, by been non stop with him, alone soaking all of this & i know she is right, but how can you? my life was already a nut house, so you can imagine now... I get the impression my next 6 months are going to be pretty insane and guess what is around the corner? SUMMER!! and yes I love summer, but the thought of four kids at home but no place to go, and non stop doctor visits is freaking me out a little... Did i mention no flying for Lorenzo till he is 6 months... (a bitter sweet for me, because i can't wait to go home, my soul literally aches)... but as least we can drive somewhere... that is also something she recommended to spend time as a family, doing fun things to keep our stress a little in the low side.. she believes this stress and anxiety is hurting the other kids too... so lets work on keeping it together, better said than done, right?...
Monday, April 4, 2011
Physical Therapy... Headache
I've had a migraine must of the day, from dealing with insurance company, calling sooner start, doctors.... Is been almost three weeks of non stop calling to sooner start, the place we were referred to by NICU and pediatrician... finally they called back last thursday, I missed their call today and took me 4 hours to finally talk to someone, i can't believe it will take around 3 weeks to evaluate Lorenzo and to get him started... Do I sound like a neurotic mother? Lorenzo needs it and everyday we loose time... I thought the main goal is to help him? so, why everything takes so long?... I work at home with him for an hour a day in a few exercises, he is getting more active and even started lifting his head from side to side, from tummy time (6 weeks old).... I just feel he needs more... Looking forward to our Appointment tomorrow with our pediatrician, I got a list of questions this time... I hope we get neurologist & cardiologist visits schedule.... geez I'm exhausted...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
dust is settle...
we are starting life over again... this week feels a bit like I'm alive & surprisingly skinny... LOL Tristan's finally is potty trained, he got his huge big loud chuck e cheese bday party, my house is cleaned, laundry is done, my garden is nice and blooming, our routine is coming together... I'm feeling more at ease talking about this whole situation, not sure if is the hour at gymnastics with such great supporting moms, or the extreme google action i do at night and the so positive stories over this whole hypotonia thing... all I know... life goes on... we are still waiting, we got no answers, and a long road ahead or an eternal road.. who knows... all i know is life goes on... weddings, bday parties, fairs... i know somewhere there is a reason for all this... do i see it right now? no..... this is the reason i made this BLOG!! Here comes another week...
Friday, April 1, 2011
all you need is friendship...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thank you lord for sunglasses....
Friday, March 18, 2011
neverending appointments...
Hypotonia is a state of low muscle tone[1] (the amount of tension or resistance to movement in a muscle), often involving reduced muscle strength. Hypotonia is not a specific medical disorder, but a potential manifestation of many different diseases and disorders that affectmotor nerve control by the brain or muscle strength. Recognizing hypotonia, even in early infancy, is usually relatively straightforward, butdiagnosing the underlying cause can be difficult and often unsuccessful. The long-term effects of hypotonia on a child's development and later life depend primarily on the severity of the muscle weakness and the nature of the cause. Some disorders have a specific treatment but the principal treatment for most hypotonia of idiopathic or neurologic cause is physical therapy and/or occupational therapy to help the person compensate for the neuromuscular disability.
Hypotonia is a condition that can be helped with early intervention...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
can it be? we are really going home?
Monday, March 14, 2011
so much brain power in one room....
Monday, finally arrived.... this place is a circus so many doctors.... so many questions at once... i'm overwhelmed and tired.... Lorenzo since arriving at children's hospital breathing normal, no IV, No eating tube, eats 100cc, no problem.... nurses asked if i wanted to bring items to keep him alert, bouncer, mobile, etc... i must admit it feels weird to bring those items here to NICU, but I got a little excited to feel normal and do normal things with my baby, like sitting in a bouncer chair... I just want to be home... I miss my life.... this is getting old.... and i feel like i leave this hell, for another arriving home is dealing with all the meltdowns, crying, all the questions, messages, school work... etc. I thank god for family, the great friends and community that helped us thru this.... i can't even remember to eat this days.... so cooking, cleaning, is totally out of the game... and i'm so worry about my kids, is like we are still in this cloud.... just floating away....
Sunday, March 13, 2011
so many first missed...
I'm still here.... looking at a "normal" baby the biggest happiest one in the whole darn floor, i'm frustrated and still no answers... Communication here is not good, the place feels cold and nurses seem so harsh.... Belly button fell off a week ago, the stress has caused my milk production to almost be gone, and now his first bath at NICU.... what day is it?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tests, tests & more tests....
They ran so many tests on my sweet baby that they were a few times I stepped out of the room and fall to the ground in the halls of the hospital, because i couldn't take it anymore... the stress of been spring break and trying to juggle my other kids at home, i felt lost with no direction... and more than anything alone.... I'm very frustrated, all testing keep coming back normal... at this point we had MRI, EEG, ct scan, many blood tests, Echo cardiogram... you named it Lorenzo had it done....
Friday, March 11, 2011
leaving a place i loved and trust for answers...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Unexpectedly here we are again....
Lorenzo was transferred to NICU after birth due to tachypnea (rapid breathing). This is not uncommon amongst newborns, especially caesarian birthed males, and thankfully Lorenzo did not have any other respiratory complications. (likewise Tristan 4 years ago)